Seriously though, there’s no rulebook for what to do when the check comes (see comments).
I need to Tumble more. I get so caught up in wanting my words to come out just so, I wait till I have time to craft my posts, and then I just don’t have time. One of the reasons I started this blog was to get more comfortable putting things out there even if they’re not perfect, so it’s time to get back to that.
Oh, did I mention I have a date tonight? Turns out How About We… is working out fairly well after all. We’re meeting at the SF Moma at 4:30, since it closes at 6. I also have an out of town friend visiting this weekend, so I told her that if the date went poorly I would use her as an excuse to get out.
I think I’m one of the few people that never felt too young to settle down. I’ve never thought of having a life partner as a stumbling block. Rather, I think of it has having a built-in buddy and support system, all in one! And it’s frustrating that I’m hypothetically willing to commit while the people in my dating pool categorically aren’t.
To me having kids is where the fun ends, and true responsibility begins. But then again, I have friends whose parents managed to live abroad with young children. One friend spent her early years in the South of France, another in London. So I guess none of your dreams should ever be off the table, regardless of marriage, kids, or anything else.
Thank you, Refinery 29, for showing me some fresh, single faces in this city. Unfortunately, now that I’m just a couple months shy of turning 28 most guys under 30 are too young, but still - it’s a nice thought!
Friday night, Halloween weekend:
On my way out of a party, I was approached by a striking man who I had seen earlier in the evening. He struck up a conversation with me, and I was pleased that someone was showing an interest in me. I mentioned that the following morning I was canvassing for a local political candidate. He told me that he is from Australia so he can’t vote here, but that he worked for a non-profit organization in Australia and convinced a lot of people to support his cause. He then declared that if he were canvassing the next day, that he would succeed in convincing more people to vote for my candidate’s opponent. Going along with the joke, I said that he couldn’t. He went on to tell me the exact number of people he had swayed, and asked me the greatest number of people I had ever convinced to do anything. The conversation was getting weird. I thought we were joking, but it seemed like he was lording this over me. I continued to lightheartedly imply that my persuasion skills were as good as his, if not better. Finally he said, “well Jesus Christ is on my side, so I win.” (or something like that, equally weird with Jesus Christ and winning). I was about to laugh it off when he brusquely turned and left, and quit the conversation. I was like, WTF. What. The. Fuck. What a wierdo. It’s a good thing I was already leaving, because after that I had no desire to stay.
Sunday afternoon, Halloween weekend:
Hanging out in Dolores Park I had a really good chat with a guy friend I’ve known for several years. We talk about everything, but I especially enjoy talking about relationships with him because he has such a different perspective. He LOVES women. He loves spending time with them, talking to them and flirting with them. He also doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship so much that he won’t even go on a date, for fear of leading someone on. He, like so many men in San Francisco, doesn’t want to be chained by commitment. But I respect him for being so careful not to lead anyone on.
We talked about my issues too. He gently questioned my reason for being so intentional about dating: namely that I’m doing it out of the fear that I won’t be successful at it. It’s less about finding someone to spend time with, and more ‘I just want to know that men find me attractive’. I hated to realize that, because it sounds pretty pathetic, but it’s true. I do want to find someone to spend time with as well, but I’m also motivated by having something to prove. I told him about my whole New York thing - about how I always meet someone when I’m there. And I realized that when I do actually meet people here, I get caught up in expectations, and what could possibly be, rather than taking situations and relationships as they come. At the end of the conversation we decided that we could both stand to be less inhibited.
Last Friday:
I started chatting up a guy at a bus stop. He was carrying briefcases that looked like they contained film equipment, so I asked him about it. Turns out he was carrying computers to take to a design class he is teaching at a local elementary school. Teaching that class is part of his own curriculum at the School of the Art Institute. Once I realized I was talking to a college student a little bit of potential faded away, but I still enjoyed our conversation, brief as it was.
About a week into it I’m already over HowAboutWe.com. None of the cute guys like my dates, and none of the guys I want to go out with are responding to me. Why did I think this dating site would be different?
and by “send unlimited messages” they meant “send a message, period.” I found a cute guy who had a reasonable date suggestion, so looks like I’m getting this Daily Candy deal after all.
Daily Candy is running a deal for $35 for a 6 month, all-access membership to HowAboutWe.com, the dating website where the gimmick is that you suggest dates. Intrigued, I went to the website to see how much it actually cost… and found out it’s free. What you pay for is the following:
- read all messages you receive
- send unlimited messages
- respond when someone is “intrigued” (whatever that means)
- see if your messages have been read
- read messages directly in your email
Given my track record I’m not sure the ability to read all of my messages will be a problem. I very well may not have any to read. But I at least signed up for the free part, just to check it out.
